In a few weeks passed, i randomly read some poet, article, and story, unconsciously they were talking about the same topic: Going back to Home. (And even my previous post, i told it to someone, and asked him to guess what it’s all about. He asked me: Do you miss your home?) Almost the same moment when i spent my night dreaming about ‘doors’. It was like my unconscius self trying to talk to me. Have you ever?
Apparently, it’s just the old me. My old soul-who had been thrown away then it comes back and haunts me. In this two or three years, i lived a different life which far-far-far in my head, i knew: i don’t fit. I pretend to like things people like, which i think ‘Nah maaaan, oh God for real?!?!!?’ I thought, it would make me less empty. But, nope. There’s still a hole, and nothing fits. I cried for no reason, i laughed at people, i didn’t like so many things, i didn’t understand everything, and everyone was annoying. And i just wanna stay in silence, no interruption from every corner. I don’t like talking, it makes me emotional. My strength is silence-I feel stronger when i’m silent.
Every night i want to crawling back to my blanket, smell the fusion of wood and air-conditioner in my room and stay peace in silence for the next 8 hours. Could i pause everything? Could they please stop bothering me? Could we? Everybody said that there’s something wrong in my head, there isn’t, i know. Everybody wants to make me feel bad, i know. But the hell they can’t. I just need a big break, it will help, i know, and when there’s a right time, i’ll do my big leap, but not today.